I’m really not that big into Valentine’s Day. In fact, around here we aren’t that big into MOST mainstream holidays. Sure we celebrate holidays like everyone else. But our most favorite holidays are ones we made up ourselves. Because we’re cool like that. (I could definitely go for some chocolate covered strawberries though.)
And besides, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to top last year’s valentines!
Every time I make cupcakes, my brother’s girlfriend tells me she wants one. The only thing is, she lives 1000 miles away! So I decided to make a special batch just for her and I include them in the Christmas package I sent home. (Last week… yes I am a huge slacker! At least it’s not June!)
I think they turned out super cute. Juniper helped with the sprinkles, of course. She’s my official sprinkle sprinkler. Kim was kind enough to send me this BEAUTIFUL photo of what the cupcakes looked like when she got them. Pretty much exactly what I was expecting!! Oh man, this photo makes me laugh so hard.. Sorry Kim, it’s the thought that counts right?
This blog is being guest posted on by Crystalyn’s evil genius husband. Now I know what most of you are thinking: “Hey, I know her husband, he’s not evil, and he’s defiantly not a genius!” Well, I have always taken the Columbo approach to my evil geniusing: Make em’ think you’re a bumbling idiot and generally nice guy, then when they let their guard down, bam! I couldn’t help but notice I have a doomsday device pointed at the white house. Of course a good phase one of any world domination plan is to develop a reputation for humorous sarcasm which frees you to speak openly about your conspiracies without anyone taking you seriously, thus making this post possible. Unfortunately for the would be conquerors of the world this post focuses on how to make a half pony half monkey monster to please your mate. Hybrid animals can make a wonderfully unique birthday or anniversary gift that really says, “I love you in the way only an evil genius can.” Not only are they hand made and good at demonstrating your near godlike manipulation of genetics, but they also show that your love is more important than details like morality, or animal rights.
The first step to creation is of course destruction. If you want to create a utopian society you must first get rid of the imperfect one that’s already there, it’s just taking up space anyway. For our little project it’s the monkeys that need a little help in this department. They need to be split in half. You’ll notice I said monkeys as in more than one, for your creation to be a true 50/50 split of pony and monkey you will need at least two monkeys to balance out the size advantage of the pony. Now there are several ways to split a monkey in two. Other evil geniuses might tell you “if you can’t do it with style it’s not worth doing.” But as for me I prefer simple direct and efficient. Any large blade will do. Yeah sure a good old fashioned guillotine would be great but it’s not worth the investment if you are only going to use it once. I used an industrial grade paper cutter, not too fancy but it got the job done.
Next it’s time to combine your bisected monkeys with your pony. For this you’re going to half to use science. Practically any since will do so long as the average person has no idea how it actually works. Atomic radiation is classic but played out, lighting is great for that old school approach, in a pinch you can even use magnets, no one seems to know how they work. At this point your decision will most likely be limited by funding and resources. I mean we would all love to do our monster making with particle accelerators and black holes but who can really find the time to covertly break into CERN or highjack a space shuttle. I was in a hurry so I used the always handy microwave. Now here is where all the wannabe poser evil geniuses get into trouble, they see the movies and think “Oh, I can just throw some random animals into some random tachyon field and bam: mutant monster!” If it were that easy every ones wife would be putting hay and bananas in the blender on February 14th in a despite attempt to feed their gift. No, you have to bite the bullet and use your years of evil genius education to calibrate the microwave to precise specifications insuring that the monster is properly mutated without being cooked or accidently transported through time. I was in a rush so mine came out sterile, which is probably for the best.
So there you have it, a perfect one of a kind monstrosity to impress your loved one. But before you run and get your monkey net here are a few things to consider before giving this gift.
1) Just because you sole mate likes monkeys and ponies doesn’t necessarily mean she will like a half pony half monkey monster.
2) Is your lover expecting a new pet as a gift? A monster is a big responsibility, many monsters have unusual and often evil diets, will the neighbors be uptight about a few missing children?
3) Does the apple your eye actually know that you are in love with her? This is huge, if you have been loving from afar and plan to use this kind of gift to win her heart all I can say is it won’t work, trust me, I know. This is a gift for established relationships only!
(Don’t I have the best husband ever?! He even took cell phone pictures of his creative process because he knows me so well! And if you are curious.. watch this music video. I’m warning you though… that song will get stuck in your head.)
We started a new family tradition this year. Christmas Eve + Warm Fire + Hot Chocolate in Santa Mugs + Roasted Mini Marshmallows + Christmas Records = A lovely evening with my sweetie. When the kids are older, we’ll let them join in. Maybe :)
Oh Christmas, how do I love thee. I love the lights, decorations and yummy treats. I love the challenge of finding that perfect gift for loved ones. I love spending time laughing and playing with family. I love starting new traditions. And most of all, I love that Christmas represents the most amazing gift ever given to men, our savior Jesus Christ.
I (semi) successfully made my very first silicone mold, with which I made a few of these lovely ornaments. I gave some as gifts, and kept this one for myself. I sculpted this last year, so I am excited to finally see it finished. (I never painted it because I wanted to make a mold eventually.) My nativity collection has grown quite a bit this year.
When I saw this Candy Cane Bunting tutorial on Smashed Peas and Carrots, I was inspired to put together my own version with real candy canes. I just love how putting two candy canes together makes a heart. (Back to my heart-shaped obsession.)
So here’s what you’ll need: candy canes, cotton thread, decorative ribbon or string, and scissors. Put two candy canes together to make a heart shape, and use the cotton thread to tie them together where they overlap. Wrap the cotton thread around a few times and tie it nice and tight. I also snipped off the extra plastic wrapper at the ends of the candy canes. I made 11 hearts. I would have made 12, but a certain little girl managed to sneak off with two candy canes. (Ok, ok… I bribed her.)
So with the two boxes of candy canes and the decorative string, this project cost me a whopping $3. Not bad.
To turn them into a garland, simply hang up the decorative string/ribbon and hang the hearts! No need to tie them, they’ll stay in place on their own. Or if you’d like, you can just hang the hearts all over your Christmas tree. I might just buy some more candy canes and do both! I guess you could make something that will last through the years if you use plastic candy canes, but then you can’t eat them and that’s half the fun!
Yesterday I bought some pretty fabric for a special Christmas gift. I almost never get to buy new fabric so it was pretty exciting! I can’t wait to start cutting it up!
